Ive not posted in a long time...lazy I guess...alot has gone on...well not alot but...im in the middle of my yearly 10 days of hell...(my son passed away 6/22/04 but wasnt delivered till 7/2/04) and on the 22nd I was really sad because Robert has seemed to have forgotten all about Andrew...I dont expect Sara to say anything, shes only 5 and Jess even remembered...but Robert...no comments or anything..Im hoping hes not forgotten our son but is just keeping it to himself...I feel sad about it and disappointed..
On Andrews Angel day we will do the usual...take some balloons to release and some flowers...he would have been 7 this year.
Ive stopped taking my psych meds...not all of them but most...Im tired of putting so much poison into my body every day. Honestly I didnt even tell my Choctaw doc about all the meds although I could have gotten refills... I felt kinda weird for a few days...tired, cold sweat and shaky but im sure it was due to stopping my meds cold turkey...now just feeling super tired all the time....Im not sure why...however I did get a muscle relaxer script when I went to the Indian Clinic this last time and ive needed it everyday so im sure thats why...or part of it anyway...usually I deal with insomnia but its the opposite now...weird.
Really need to clean the house, do some laundry but just too lazy...wore out...i hate that...thank goodness theres left over pizza from last night so I dont have to go to the store today...
Robert had to work today...I hate when he works saturdays but gotta do what hes gotta do...
I feel kinda bad because im ignoring people, friends and family...just dont have the energy to make phone calls....and when I do, my mind wonders and I get impatient to hang up the phone on them...so tis best to just avoid for the time being...think I will call Beth tho...
Well this is totally what I titled it....rambling lol...will try to post again soon.
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