Wow & wow

A couple days in the hospital and eating what i want and wow is all I can say....did really good but wham, not anymore...restarting today...yeah i am....btw hospital food is so bad for you...i mean they act like they are feeding you good but everything is high high carb so it puts the weight on...anyway

Got a call from someone I know that I met in the hospital...yeah the nut house one....he was super sweet and seemed okay pretty much...but after the last phone call i got from him hes totally weirded me out....not only did he say hes been in and out of the hospital...which that in itself isnt really bad...when ya need help ya need help....but when he called me he told me to leave my husband and marry him....hes been sent to a boarding home...thats what he called it anyway....and i think he thinks i will save him....even told me in a creepy way that he wanted to marry me and have sex with me....good Lord he sure dont know me well cause sex is the furthest thing from my mind even with my husband atm.... anyway not going to take anymore calls from him....he was sweet and innocent enough till THAT!!!! Totally creeped me out!!!! He called yesterday morning at 7 something but  my phone was only on vibrate and it didnt wake anyone up and I sure didnt want to talk to him after what he said...even if i were single i wouldnt, i mean ive always known hes a bit....childish i guess....or childlike rather....but i cant and never could take care of a grown adult like that....i dont know what to do with myself and my own mental health issues half the time...

Must go my almost 6 year old is famished lol....and its only 8:30 in the morning....

Will try to post more often

Bad then good

Why doesnt blogger allow me to add ppls sites, join, whatever its called...every time I leave my page to see someones it logs me out...I wanna read other ppls blogs on a regular basis damnit!

And the good thing....although I caved a wee bit during a sleepless night, I did lose two lbs!!! YIPPEEE

Day one down

Although my first "eating" wasnt healthy, I did really well today....grabbed one glazed donut after feeling almost sick with major tummy growls and later ate two servings of strawberry yogurt....thats it....some ppl make say wow thats alot of cals and carbs and yes it is but ya got nooooooooooooo idea how much this fat chic usually eats...wish me luck for day two.....LUCK

Once again

Once again I start yet another im sure unsuccessful diet....first few days starting today Im going to fast and/or restrict cals....Stomach has been growling HARD for the last couple of hours but hey Ive lost 4.8lbs since I weighted this morning....two water pills and Ill pee all day long lol...just to jump start me and see a change on the scale...will help me keep going since I have NOOONOOONOOO willpower.

F'ing dog chewed up yet another shoe...this time it was one of Saras tennis shoes...hes a perfect dog other than the chewing BS!!! IT pisses me off so bad...we dont have a room to shut him in...well we do but he will just go for the carpet, baseboards and or the bed....thinking about getting a muzzle to put on him at night...he could still drink....not eat but damn I just had the chewing...its right up there with crapping all over the house!

Lawyer should have gotten the "important" papers today or tomorrow....praying things work out and the settlement doesnt mess too many things up...

Ill post here again tomorrow with my lbs lost! Wish me luck!

Nothing new

Nothing new going on right now really but wanted to post "something".

Sara is almost 6 and Ill be 39 in a week....do I feel old? Hell yeah but ive felt this way for years so nothing new there...

Sara wants a guitar for her BD so we are gonna buy one next week for her...Wonder the outcome of that... Me personally Im just lookin forward to some cake LOL

I wish

Its 2:30am and Im not sleepy again...well ive been getting more sleep than I used to not sure why it changed....

I wish it was Fall
I wish I was happier
I wish I was skinny
I wish I was normal....whatever that is...
I wish I could see things through a child eye
I wish I was pretty
I wish I wasnt getting old...I feel like I shouldnt be
I wish I didnt have mental health issues

Not well...

Today I dont feel so good....my chest hurts...its nothing unusal but I hate it and all I have for pain are some crap tram pills...They are like taking tylenol for me....works for tiny pain but not major...Called the hubby, hes gonna come home early from work so i can rest....its hard to with a five year old running crazy...Im not dying just feel like poop! I have alot of chest pain with my heart condition...anyway will post later or when I think about it lol

Really with it!

Im so not keeping up with what I wanted, which is to post almost daily lol...first week of July already and first monthly post.

Nothing really going on...got a dog named Milo....hes really good cept he likes to get into the trash and chew stuff too...but hes doing excellently with house training...hes a mutt pretty much...black and brown with a white tip on his tail...very friendly.

Im taking only geodon and I dont take that every single day...well i mean with all of my other many meds. Feeling okay I guess...down some but not crazy down like in the past...not yet anyway...still thinking about running away from my life....I love Sara so so much and Robert...I dont know why I think about that alot...me living in a car...Gawd that would really suck and I know it but its like I crave it sometimes....maybe its just the peach and quiet I want...dunno...

Havent made any phone calls or anything to anybody although I do need to call Lacy, she sent me an early birthday card. Love her loads but when I talk to her all i hear is her complaining about her life lol...crazy...havent called mom in couple weeks or more...still not sure if i want her in my life at all since the past shes proven herself to be a peice of shit...harse but true....lies lies lies all the time....I did send her some school pics of Sara tho. Dunno why really. Guess i still love her although shes a shitty mother.

I look at the house and really wish I had the energy to clean it really good....maybe one room a day soon...i hope...im sick of the clutter...

Jessica friend is coming this weekend for a week, hope they dont act like shits and keep themselves out of trouble...dont need anymore trouble where we live...GAWD I hate the teenage years...not looking forward to when Sara will be that age, but thats years away thank God.

Its 2pm and havent taken my morning meds yet so guess I should....till later